Phases of the Moon, the newsletter of the Maine NVC Network
Volume Four, Issue Eight: Working Together Effectively
Our newsletter appears once a month around the time of the new moon. Our purpose is to contribute to the NVC learning of people who have taken at least an NVC Level 1 workshop, and help us stay connected as we endeavor to deepen a culture of peace within ourselves, our families and the world. We believe a Level 1 offers so many new ways of thinking that additional support for learning and integration could be helpful.
We endeavor to make each edition informative, connecting, inspiring and fun. Please let us know how the newsletter might contribute to your NVC well-being.
This month’s theme explores how groups (work teams, committees, boards, cooperatives, intentional communities) can work more effectively using needs-based consciousness.
Contents
- Feature: Working Together Effectively by Leah Boyd
- Upcoming Trainings
- Monthly Empathy Circles
- Opportunities to Volunteer
- Poetry Corner
Working Together Effectively
by Leah Boyd
Small businesses, teams, departments, committees, boards, councils, alliances and cooperatives are all examples of groups of individuals who work together toward a shared purpose. Whether it be a for-profit business, a non-profit organization, a municipality, a faith community or a group of activists, groups of people working together can find themselves stuck and frustrated at times. Some of the common challenges faced by groups include:
- How do we make decisions that stick?
- What’s our goal, vision, shared purpose?
- Who’s in charge of what?
- How do we make sure we carry out our decisions?
- How do we deal with conflict?
- How do we create an action plan?
- How do we evaluate performance in a way that is helpful?
Consultant Marie Miyashiro presents a model she calls The Sandwich Model in which she describes the three levels occurring within any group – the "I", the "You" and the "We". The "I" is simply each individual entering the group with her/his own internal life – her/his thoughts, experiences, opinions, conditioning, etc. The "You" is the level at which each "I" is interacting with other "I’s", such as in a conversation between two or more people. The "We" is the level at which individuals acknowledge something larger than themselves, of which they are a part. This is the team level, where a group of individuals come together around a clearly defined purpose and each individual is focused on contributing to that purpose. When a group of individuals come together without commitment to a clearly defined purpose, then it isn’t a true "We." These types of groups often find themselves in a lot of struggle and frustration. It’s quite challenging to be effective when there’s a lot of talking, not much listening and a general confusion about the main objective and process.
When groups find themselves being less effective than they would like, they often look to consultants for guidance in creating positive changes in their group experience. Through workshops, retreats, on-site consulting, etc., a consultant is able to assess the situation and offer appropriate training and assistance. However, research indicates that only 30% of the groups that embark on the important work to change their group’s efficiency are actually successful in making lasting change. Why is this so? According to Marie Miyashiro, this is due to a "lack of connection to human needs and the needs of the "We" - the shared purpose coupled with personal meaning. . . The research and evidence about this is clear - people have needs for understanding, respect, contribution - to know their views matter. . ."
Dr. Jane Connor with Dr. Dian Killian, Dr. Robert Wentworth and Martha Lasley, MBA, partnered with Merck, Inc., to produce research on the effect of workplace communication training on qualities such as efficiency, effectiveness, motivation and teamwork. The conclusion drawn from the study stated, "The success of any business depends on people working together to accomplish tasks that support the organization in achieving its purpose. As documented in this study this is most likely to occur when the quality of relationships and communication between people is high and individuals are thriving."
All indicators point to a certain quality of relating as a key factor in the on-going success of groups. This quality of relating is sometimes referred to as empathy – the ability to connect to others and imagine how it is for them. Marshall Rosenberg’s work, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is based in the premise that there are needs that are universal to all humans. Of course there are survival needs such as food, water and shelter, but he goes beyond this to say that there are equally important needs basic to human thriving such as to be heard, to matter, to contribute, to be effective, etc. Since we all have these needs, we can relate to them as they arise in others. We can observe what is being said or done and we can imagine what need is motivating what we observe. In doing so, we see the humanity of the other and are much more likely to stay connected, curious and willing to engage than we would be otherwise. This behavior is extremely helpful in group situations, where disconnecting and seeing each other as "wrong" or "the problem" can be very debilitating to the group’s effectiveness, flexibility and creativity. From an empathic standpoint, we can relate to where the other is coming from, even if we don’t agree with their actions or lack of action. The study and practice of NVC is one way individuals can increase self-awareness, leading to increased inner clarity, improved communication with others and more effective contribution to group efforts.
According to Marie Miyashiro, groups have needs of their own as well. In her process, Integrated Clarity™, she identifies six Universal Organization Needs: Identity, Life-Affirming Purpose, Direction, Structure, Energy and Expression. Gaining clarity around the needs of the "We" strengthens the potential of the group to thrive, just as gaining clarity about personal needs assists individuals in thriving.
Leah Boyd is the founder and principal NVC-based mediator at Peaceful Purpose Mediation. She has a passion for groups and helping them fulfill their visions and dreams effectively. Leah, along with Peggy Smith, co-teaches the Maine NVC Integration Program. They will further their collaboration by launching Clarity Services, an NVC-based consulting business in October, 2013. The shared purpose of this venture is to bring needs-based consciousness to businesses and groups operating in Maine.
Upcoming Trainings
Trainings listed here are in the Maine region. If you wish to list an event, please follow our guidelines for submission. Please note that both certified and non–certified trainers, (who are willing to follow certain requirements of the Center for Nonviolent Communication), may be leading the posted trainings. Listing here does not imply endorsement by the Maine NVC Network of the trainer or the event.
Oct. 4–6, Bar Harbor, ME
Awakening Our Passion, Living in Compassion:
The Embodied Spirituality of Nonviolent Communication
with Robert Gonzales 
details and registration
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Oct. 25-27, South Portland
From Conflict To Connection: the Fundamentals of Nonviolent Communication
Taught by Peggy Smith / details and registration
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Dec. 7-8, Unity, ME
Level 1: From Conflict to Connection: the Fundamentals of NVC
Fundraiser for MOFGA El-Salvador Sistering Committeeand two environmental projects in the West Bank, Palestine
FMI contact Peggy: 207-789-5299 / email
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