Phases of the Moon, the newsletter of the Maine NVC Network
Volume Three, Issue Six: Starting and Maintaining an NVC Practice Group
Our newsletter appears once a month around the time of the new moon. Our purpose is to contribute to the NVC learning of people who have taken at least an NVC Level 1 workshop, and help us stay connected as we endeavor to deepen a culture of peace within ourselves, our families and the world. We believe a Level 1 offers so many new ways of thinking that additional support for learning and integration could be helpful.
We endeavor to make each edition informative, connecting, inspiring and fun. Please let us know how the newsletter might contribute to your NVC well-being.
This month's theme is Starting and Maintaining an NVC Practice Group.
Contents
- Feature: Starting and Maintaining an NVC Practice Group, by Peggy Smith, CNVC certified NVC trainer
- Suggestions for Practice
- Upcoming Trainings
- Maine NVC Integration Program
- Monthly Empathy Circle
- Opportunities to Volunteer: Request for Facebook Help!
- Poetry Corner
- Request for Empathy help from the Occupy Movement
Starting and Maintaining an NVC Practice Group
by Peggy Smith, CNVC certified NVC trainer
"How do I start a practice group?"
"Do I know enough to run a practice group?"
"How do I keep NVC alive in me?"
So many people leave NVC trainings with enthusiasm and strong desire to keep deepening NVC within them. When we think of building new neural pathways that will react as easily as the ones we have, well-grooved from a lifetime of practicing blame & judgment, we can see that having regular supported practice could be a big help.
When my friend, Olive Pierce, and I came back from our first weekend with Marshall Rosenberg, we decided to start a practice group. She invited thirteen people to her cozy living room and we met twice a month. By the end of four months there were seven of us left, and we continued to work together for several years.
Over the years I have come to distinguish two types of groups. A study group meets to read a basic NVC text and do some practice to support that learning. My first group read Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, and worked through Lucy Leu’s NVC Companion Workbook. We thought we would do one chapter & exercises each meeting. What we found was that it took us three meetings to cover a chapter and its accompanying exercises in a way that felt complete to us.
A practice group came to mean a group of people who had either gone to enough workshops or read the text enough times that they had the basics and wanted to keep practicing together for support. Often this involves some combination of empathy time and working through core practices to harvest the learnings of past interactions or preparing for future ones from an NVC perspective. Whether your intention is to set up a study group or a practice group, let’s explore some ways of starting and maintaining the group. Each group is unique. Here are some questions to consider.
- How often shall the group meet? Some options include weekly, bi-weekly, once a month or twice a month. How long each session will be? I find one hour too short. Many people will not commit to more than 2 hours. So somewhere between 1.5 and 2 hours seems to work well.
- Where shall we meet? What would suit our community – someone’s home or office, or a more public space? How many people can the space accommodate comfortably?
- How much NVC experience do the interested people have? This will determine if the focus is primarily studying to learn more or practicing.
- How will we organize leadership & facilitation? Some groups have a core leader/facilitator and some groups rotate. There is no "right way." Lucy Leu’s NVC Companion Workbook offers ideas for rotating facilitators.
- Shall we be an open or closed group? Are people welcome to drop in whenever they want or do you want people to make a certain time commitment to join? I have worked both sorts of groups. What feels good to you? Try it one way and then re-evaluate after several months to see if it’s working the way you enjoy.
- Who can join? Some groups are open to anyone who is interested in NVC. Some groups have a pre-requisite that someone has taken at least a Level 1 workshop. The first strategy can nurture inclusion and learning. The second can nurture ease and learning. Which works for you?
Once you have your structure set up, it’s time to move forward.
If you are in Maine, you may want to list your group on the Maine NVC Network Practice Group page so that others know you are there: email. This helps build a sense of community within Maine and you may pick up some new members.
Here are some resources that can support your group. I recommend any of the four books listed below as helpful guides with a modest cost — with the one caution that they write about needs as "met" or "unmet," which is not how I teach about needs (read more about this understanding of needs here. 
- Marshall Rosenberg's basic book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life and the companion practice book, NVC Companion Workbook, by Lucy Leu. (available here)
- Connection: A self-care approach to conflict management, by Bonnie R. Fraser, is an interactive workbook set up for college students, filled with practical exercises that are appropriate for older teens through adults. (available here)
- Another book written for college students that includes exercises appropriate for older teens through adults is Connecting Across Differences, by Dian Killan & Jane Connor (available here)
- There is also an archive of previous issues of this newsletter, each one containing an educational feature article. There is a wealth of material here for you to harvest. Several groups have let me know that they use these as their practice focus each month.
I recommend you begin each session with a check in, giving each person a certain amount of time (e.g. 5 minutes) to let the group know what is up in their lives. An addition is to have the next person begin by reflecting what they heard. This helps everyone experience the need "to be heard" at the beginning of every session.
Then the facilitator for that session will present the focus of that day. It may be an exercise from one of the listed resources or it may be an empathy session.
If you choose an empathy session it is important to review the blocks to empathy (listed here in pdf format for easy printing). I suggest you divide the available time equally among the people present. Each person in turn receives everyone else’s presence for the entire allotted time, whether they choose to speak or not. In the last few minutes of a person’s time one or two other participants can reflect back a feeling & need that they heard. This is not a time for dialogue back and forth. It is a time for an empathic offering for the speaker to consider. (You can read more about empathy circles here.)
I find it helpful to end a practice or study group session with a round in which people express one thing they are taking from that session. This helps solidify learning.
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Practice groups are a wonderful strategy for building community and support for building NVC skills. If you don’t have one now, please create one. It is a precious gift to yourself and the community. Peggy Smith is co-founder of the Maine NVC Network and founder/principal trainer with Open Communication.
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Suggestions for Further Practice
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Upcoming Trainings
Trainings listed here are in the Maine region. If you wish to list an event, please follow our guidelines for submission. Please note that both certified and non-certified trainers, (who are willing to follow certain requirements of the Center for Nonviolent Communication), may be leading the posted trainings. Listing here does not imply endorsement by the Maine NVC Network of the trainer or the event.
July 27-28, Ellsworth, ME
Connecting Across Differences: the journey of Nonviolent Communication
offered by Peggy Smith, Certified NVC Trainer details and registration
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August 6–10, Belfast, ME
Sustainable Communication: The Theory & Practice of Nonviolent Communication
3 credit course through the Peace & Reconciliation Department of the University of Maine.taught by Peggy Smith /
details
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Sept. 29-30, Ellsworth, ME
BePeace Practice: Creating Peace in Yourself
Presented by Paula Guarnaccia,
Certified BePeace Teacher & HeartMath Educator
details
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Oct. 27-28, Norway, ME
Connecting Across Differences: the NVC journey
Offered by Peggy Smith / email for details
8 Months of Deepening NVC Consciousness:
the Maine NVC Integration Program
Opening My Heart—Opening Communication
An Intermediate NVC Experience
Five Themed Retreats spread over an 8 month period,
September 2012 to May 2013
11 days of direct instruction with Certified NVC Trainer Peggy Smith and NVC Mediation Program graduate Leah Boyd
Between retreats learning community includes:
- pairing with empathy partners
- readings
- journaling
- suggestions for daily practice at home
- group phone sessions
Move NVC from a concept to practical integration while staying close to home.
Invitation to a
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Hello NVC friends, Earlier this year I sent a message asking if you were interested in facilitating on our daily Occupy NVC support line. I'm back again asking if you're interested in something more short term and potentially very interesting. The occupy movement is having a national gathering in Philadelphia June 30th – July 4th. A group of people from around the US have been creating this event for several months and they expect a large turnout. ** See note below I have been involved with a group called Occupycafe for most of this year. Although Occupycafe is normally a virtual cafe, they will be setting up physical space at the occupy national gathering. Ben Roberts, one of the stewards of the cafe, is keenly interested in NVC and wants to include some NVC training, practice, and empathy calls on his Maestro Conference line during the national gathering. We would be connecting with people on the ground at the national gathering as we have been doing these last seven months with people at occupy encampments. Some of you have experienced how fascinating it is to interact with the occupiers. I really appreciate their passion and determination. At this time, the on-the-ground Occupycafe is scheduled to be open on the following schedule:
This is a great opportunity to spread the word about NVC and to help people experience it as a powerful way to connect with one another, and stay connected long enough to hear everyone's needs. Once I hear back from you all, I'll set up a doodle schedule and answer any questions about how and when. Please email me as soon as possible if you're interesting in joining us on some of these calls. And, please pass this info along to anyone you think might be interested in receiving it. ** Also, please email me if you might have some interest in traveling to Philadelphia for this event and helping with NVC on the ground training/empathy and/or with situations that could use some mediation. Blessings,
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The Sun Never Says
Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe
Me."
Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.
- poem attributed to Hafiz in Daniel Ladinsky's book The Gift