Why Phases of the Moon?

Vol. 7, No. 4 / April 2016

Phases of the Moon, the newsletter of the Maine NVC Network
Volume Seven, Issue Four:

NVC & the Healing Journey

Our newsletter appears approximately once a month. Our purpose is to contribute to the NVC learning of people who have taken at least an NVC Level 1 workshop, and help us stay connected as we endeavor to deepen a culture of peace within ourselves, our families and the world. We believe a Level 1 offers so many new ways of thinking that additional support for learning and integration could be helpful.

We endeavor to make each edition informative, connecting, inspiring and fun. Please let us know how the newsletter might contribute to your NVC well-being. Email: newsletter at mainenvcnetwork.org

Contents

• Feature: To Be Continued, by Alicia Hafford
• Upcoming Trainings
• Monthly Empathy Circles and other Ongoing groups
• Paid Announcements

Once again in this issue we highlight how NVC has been part of someone’s healing journey. This issue’s guest contributor, Alicia Hafford, of Augusta, demonstrates how labels limit us. As Alicia grew up on the streets of Augusta, she began to define her life by the multiple diagnoses and labels others placed upon her. After years of drug abuse, being angry at the world, and focusing on what was wrong, she looked for something different. Today she sees her strengths and what she has to contribute to the world. For almost three years, Alicia has been an active participant in her journey of self-discovery and learning to love herself. She works and volunteers at the LINC Wellness & Recovery Center in Augusta, Maine, and the Maine Association of Peer Support and Recovery Centers, where she practices her love of Nonviolent Communication. Alicia is the proud mother of two young ladies and one granddaughter, Theia, the apple of her eye.

To Be Continued

by Alicia Hafford

A year ago, I would have started this by describing myself as being a reformed criminal, a recovering addict that had mental health issues. For a long time I believed these labels defined me, and when I believed these things, that’s how people treated me.

This is not how this story begins!

One day, after being homeless for almost five months, I discovered LINC Wellness Center. I figured at this point in my life I didn't have a lot to lose, so I took a chance and started to go there regularly. There I was able to have compassionate and kind conversations in a warm, caring and kind environment. There I wasn’t judged or made fun of. There I discovered – I was the secret ingredient!

I redefined how I had come to know myself. I was almost 45 years old and the thought of being something other than what I had created for myself– seemed impossible and scary. I learned that our culture has been stuck in blame, whether it be on myself or towards others – at this point I had become an expert at blaming.

When I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication I learned about empathy, feelings and universal human needs. I thought, "Feelings? Oh I have three of those – mad, sad and glad. Needs – I don’t think I have many of those other than food, shelter and water." I learned that I experienced more than just three feelings. In fact, in any given situation, I experienced many feelings and needs. Before, I believed by limiting my feelings and needs I would keep myself from getting hurt ... boy was I wrong!

I’ve also taken Intentional Peer Support, and it’s similar to Nonviolent Communication due to its core values of connection, worldview, mutuality, and moving towards what we want. Connection is – seeking to understand what’s happening in me and not assuming what is happening for someone else. Worldview is – how we all have come to know the world. Mutuality is – when I challenge and negotiate power in relating. Moving towards is – focusing on my hopes, goals and dreams, with a vision that has a clear focus on what I want and is stated in the positive.

Then there’s my second bible, Pathways to Recovery, a self-help class I am now facilitating. In it I discovered I had many strengths, such as – I’m strong, eager to learn, tenacious, loyal, dependable, brave, funny, – just to name a few. Now, having a renewed sense of self, I’ve created plans for all eight dimensions of wellness that Pathways teaches. I have taken this self-help class three times. During each class I have chosen a different domain. The first class, I was homeless, so I focused on housing and I created a step-by-step plan on how I would find an apartment. I found a place within a month. The second time, I had not worked in over 26 years, so I focused on meaningful work. I applied for and got a part time job at LINC, and I’ve been there over a year and a half. The last time I took Pathways, I focused on wellness. I created another step-by-step plan, for cutting back on the amount of cigarettes I use each day. I have a plan for getting a gym membership at the YMCA and getting to a healthy weight. My focus remains on breathing with ease and living an active, healthy life.

Life is very different now than when I began this journey almost two years ago. Three months after being at LINC, I was asked to run for Secretary of the Maine Association of Peer Support and Recovery Centers, and now I’m running for a third term.

It has definitely been hard work, and a daily practice of challenging my habits and how I view myself and others.

I am more than worth the effort.

My life still has its challenges, and I have the ability to approach them with empathy and compassion. I know I can face anything that comes my way! I see myself as a person who has experienced addiction, criminal charges, intense times of grief and sadness, due to life’s challenges. I have had many labels put on me, and some I have put on myself, like mother, friend, aunt, cancer survivor, and so many more.

The only label I have now is ALICIA.

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Why "Phases of the Moon" as the name of our newsletter?
We think of the moon as representing our NVC practice: although we might not always be able to see it, it is always there.
Sometimes we are deeply self-connected to our compassionate self and our NVC consciousness radiates as the full moon. Sometimes we lose self-connection and we steep in judgment and blame; then our NVC consciousness is as hard to find as the new moon. Most of the time we can show our compassionate natures partially, as the waxing and waning of the moon.

We welcome your feedback and contributions. If you have a poem, NVC celebration, or a question for Dear Giraffe that you would like to contribute, please email us, with "contribution" in the subject line. Material included in future issues is up to the discretion of the newsletter team. Email: newsletter at mainenvcnetwork.org

Newsletter team: Peggy Smith, Betsy Terrell

Photo credits:
Eclipse of 2008, © Brad, stockvault.net
other photo(s) aurelia neutrino

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