Contents

• Feature: What's in a Name? by Peggy Smith, CNVC certified NVC trainer
• Suggestions for Practice

• Upcoming Trainings
• Book Review: Being Genuine, by Thomas D’Ansembourg
• Poetry Corner: Fully Alive, by Dawna Markova
• Celebrations
• Crossword

When the shift to self-connection has occurred there is a noticeable change in my body. I often drop into "baby" breathing: the breath is deep and expands my back and sides, as well as my lower belly. Taking time to check to see if "baby breathing" is present will provide an indication that a shift has occurred.

Another indication of a completed shift is calmness about expressing. When I have arrived at a place of presence there is no longer an urgency within me to express what is going on inside of me. It’s not that I don’t want to express what is authentically alive in me, what is different is the level of urgency I experience about that expression.

When the urgency is gone and the baby breathing is there, I find speaking (or even emailing) is powerful and peaceful. For me, NVC is a strategy to shift my deep habits of blame and judgmental thinking to needs-based thinking, thereby contributing to the needs of connection, authentic harmony, authenticity, acceptance, community and eventually peace.

Authors gratitude: I want to express my appreciation for all the NVC trainers who have influenced my journey, particularly Marshall Rosenberg, Gina Cenciose, and the NVC Training Institute; also to Dan Miller, the human potential trainer, whose ideas and support have greatly contributed to this article.

Peggy Smith is co-founder of the Maine NVC Network and founder/principle trainer with Open Communication

Fully Alive

Dawna Markova

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

In memory of Melissa Laser, champion of wild Atlantic salmon

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Book Review:
Being Genuine
by Thomas D’Ansembourg

reviewed by Kristi Kirkham

I picked up this book last fall on the recommendation of an experienced NVC trainer in Seattle. She said that the language he used is much more accessible to folks unfamiliar with NVC than Marshall Rosenberg’s book. As a person who thinks of myself as a fairly nice person, I was also intrigued by the title because I like the idea of being more real. In contrast to the two previous books I have reviewed for this newsletter, this book is long (266 pages) and not by Marshall. I will cover the Preface, Introduction, and Chapter 1 in this review to give you an idea of the flavor and scope of this book. Thomas D’Ansembourg is a certified NVC trainer from Belgium. The book is translated from French.

Preface

In the preface, Guy Corneau, author of the Tragedy of Good Boys and Good Girls, describes D’Ansembourg’s personal transformation from a grown man who acted like a nice little boy to a virile and loving husband and father. He changed his career as well from lawyer and financial consultant to an NVC trainer, with the goal of being more faithful to himself and to helping others also become more authentic. Corneau states that we are holding in our hand a true reference manual to the practice of NVC, written by a man who succeeds at speaking his true self with the greatest agility.

Introduction

In the introduction, D’Ansembourg lays out his thesis and purpose. He cites Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life as his only reference. His desire is to illustrate the NVC process as articulated by Marshall. On page 11 he states his purpose: "How can one be oneself without stopping being with another, and how can one be with another without stopping being oneself?" I don’t know about you but that is a question I wrestle with everyday. By this point Thomas certainly has my attention.

Chapter 1 Why We Are Alienated from Ourselves

This chapter illustrates the Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Request Process with both examples and some wonderful simple stick figure drawings. The stick figure has horizontal double lines symbolizing concrete blocks between the head and the heart, again between the heart and the gut. Thomas provides many examples to illustrate that staying in thoughts and judgments provides a concrete block to feeling and identifying those feelings. In turn there is a cultural prejudice against me identifying and meeting my own needs and values while at the same time, I am also expected to magically guess and meet those of others. The last concrete slab between the gut and the legs prevents us from taking action to meet our own needs and keeps us in the expectation that another person should understand our need and take on the duty of meeting them. Several real-life examples also bring standard OFNR to life.

As a beginning practice group leader, I’m appreciating the extra grounding the material in this book gives me. I hope that by introducing you to this author and his thesis and the methods he employed with this book that you will have a better idea if you might want to read it. If you do, consider ordering it from your local bookstore or you can order it online here.